Are you in Denial about leaving your relationship?

How do you know if you should stay and fight or if you’re just in denial about leaving and afraid to admit the truth? Here are a few things to think about before leaving your relationship.

What Percentage of You is Ready to Go?

Are you 50% invested in the relationship, and 50% ready to go? Or are you 99.9% ready to leave the relationship but you’re just afraid? On the one hand, even if you only have a very small percentage that is not ready to leave, you should put leaving on the shelf and talk to your partner about how to make the relationship better. This is the only way to give saving the relationship a fighting chance. But, if you have tried to put leaving on the shelf and the percentage of you that wants to go keeps growing — you may just be in denial about what your true feelings are.

How is Your Partner Reacting?

It takes two to tango. If you are willing to fight for the relationship but your partner isn’t, you can’t fully recover as a couple. Whether it’s past relationship wounds, or just burn out, you must both be willing to truly invest. Are you making excuses for your partner? Pretending he has an excuse for why he isn’t trying, or telling others that he is making strides when you don’t really see any signs of effort? If your partner is not really making an effort but you continue to hold out hope for years, you might be in denial about the fact that your spouse just isn’t willing to work for the relationship.

How Long Have You Thought About Leaving Your Relationship?

Are your thoughts about leaving fairly new, or have you been considering this action for a long time? If you have been on the fence for a long time, you need to think about what is really keeping you in the relationship. Do you really still see hope for making it work, or are you just afraid of the unknown? If you are only staying because you are afraid to be alone, it’s time to step out of denial and take the jump. Your partner can definitely sense that you’re not truly happy, and you are wasting your time and his.

If you don’t know if should stay or go, start counseling to help you decide what the best course of action is. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) can help you reconnect with your partner, or come to terms with how to end the relationship. Contact Estes Therapy in San Diego to get help today.


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It’s been nearly 20 years since I first became interested in studying psychotherapy. I began practicing the scientific approaches to psychotherapy in 1997 and I was hooked from then on.

I earned my Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family psychotherapy in 2004 and I am currently licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist MFT (LMFT#47653) with the Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS).

I focus my practice upon the empirically-based and proven research methods of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

I’ve seen these techniques consistently get results and I truly believe they are the most effective at creating positive, long-term change.

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Seeking a therapist can be the best thing you do not just for your relationship, but for yourself. If you are seeking compassionate, knowledgeable, and understanding professional help, we invite you to explore our services. We are here to help you make the most of your life.