When to begin looking for a couples therapist can be tricky for people, as one of the most common reasons for not going to therapy is thinking their problems are too small. Another factor that often prevents people from seeking couples therapy is how often they should go, using inconvenience as a convenient reason not to. There is a point of pride that comes with working through issues; after all, isn’t that part of being in a relationship? Tackling things together. Unfortunately, this can translate to avoiding therapy as well. Instead of pursuing counseling, couples will try to work through their problems themselves, buying more books and reading more blogs, and often end up putting a bandaid on their problem instead of finding a long-term solution.
Both of these are understandable ways to think, but ultimately aren’t good justifications to not get the help your relationship needs. To help quell the justification, let’s discuss when and how often a couple should seek couples counseling.
Understanding the Need for Couples Therapy
Frequent and intense arguing
Having an argument here and there is one thing, but increasingly intense arguments that are becoming too common or the norm are not.
Miscommunication
If resentment and emotional distance are becoming the norm, feeling misunderstood or your partner telling you you're not understanding them.
Loss of physical intimacy
Sexual intimacy is an integral part of many romantic relationships and issues here can feed into frustration and loneliness while also being a symptom of greater problems.
While these are key relationship issues that signal it’s time to see counseling, there are many others. For a more in-depth look at the signs you may need couples therapy, explore here.
How Often Should Couples See Their Therapist?
Best Time to Seek Couples Therapy
Many people assume that couples therapy is only for when there are issues in the relationship, but surveys have shown how many couples have regretted waiting for problems before going to therapy. In fact, many religious organizations require premarital counseling before they officiate a wedding.
Of course, there are signs counseling could be needed before you exchange vows. Read some of the signals that premarital counseling is more needed than recommended here.
Finding the Right Couples Therapist in San Diego
Whether it’s needed or you both feel it’s a good idea, the big first step is seriously looking for a couples therapist. This stage can be overwhelming, especially if neither person has seen a therapist before. If one has, first let us say that it’s better to have a new therapist together than share a therapist one already sees.
Search for a therapist with specialized relationship training. This can often be communicated by methods and training on their website, such as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) or the Gottman method.
Interview potential therapists. There is nothing wrong with talking to a few therapists and seeing who is the right fit for you. Are they LGBTQ+ friendly? Are they familiar with non-monogamous relationships? What is their view of a successful relationship? What percentage of their clientele are couples?
Our therapists work with many couples of all marital statuses, genders, and sexualities, as well as monogamous or consensually non-monogamous persons in Oceanside or Mission Valley San Diego, CA.
