Simple steps to keep your wedding stress in check
Planning a wedding is stressful for any bride – between budgeting, making important decisions and dealing with the drama when things go wrong, the months leading up to a wedding are often a whirlwind. However, your wedding should be a happy day, so it’s important not to let the stress make you someone you’re not. If you become a crabby, selfish Bridezilla, you may end up ruining your special day or worse – some of your friendships!
Are you becoming a Bridezilla? Consider the following:
You’re arguing with your wedding party.
Are your bridesmaids happy to help you with your plans, or does each trip to a bridal shop or florist turn into an argument? Do you catch yourself snapping at your bridesmaids? If friendships that were once strong have become tumultuous since your wedding planning began, this sudden strain could be an indicator of a Bridezilla attitude. If, even worse, someone has dropped out of your wedding party or you saw fit to kick someone out, you should definitely think about your attitude. Take your bridesmaids’ suggestions and opinions with a grain of salt and some compassion – if all else fails, leave them out of your planning to avoid the fights.
You’re breaking other people’s banks.
Are your parents or friends devoting more money to your wedding than they can realistically afford to? If your loved ones are shelling out tons of cash just to make you happy, and you are insisting that they continue to do so, you could be a Bridezilla. If your loved ones tell you they can’t afford something, find a way to help pay for it yourself or find an option they can afford alone. For example, if a bridesmaid can’t afford her dress, agree to help her pay for part of it, or consider finding a less expensive dress for all the girls.
You’ve yelled at more than one vendor.
OK, sometimes wedding vendors are less than helpful and you might have to be assertive to get what you need. However, if you are in constant conflict with your vendors and find yourself thinking that absolutely no one can “do anything right,” your expectations may have reached Bridezilla levels. Vendors are people, and they might make mistakes. Treat your vendors with respect, being assertive when you need to be but not rude, and you might find that they are more inclined to fix any errors or go out of their way to make you happy.
You have to make ALL the decisions.
Of course you want to have a major say in your wedding day, but if you refuse to accept input from anyone else – even the groom – you need to hand over some of the control. If you demand that everyone flies to Hawaii, even though your fiancé and parents are discouraging it because it’s too expensive, you need to start accepting feedback. Let your bridesmaids give you their impressions about the bridesmaids dress, and think about your groom when choosing things like the venue and menu. In the end, if you hand over some of the decision making to others, or at least take in feedback, you’ll spare your relationships and won’t feel so much pressure.
You’re crying or yelling every day.
As your wedding day approaches, are you in tears every day? It’s normal to be nervous or stressed, but you shouldn’t be completely overwhelmed all the time! If you are breaking into fits of emotion every day, take some deep breaths and remember what really matters about the wedding day. Count your blessings – make a list of the things you love about your future husband, and focus on the people you love who will be attending. Don’t let an issue with your flowers or some last minute RSVPs get the best of you!
Your wedding day should be the happiest day of your life, not the biggest stress! It’s normal to feel nerves, but don’t alienate your friends and family while you plan, or you may find yourself very lonely when the wedding is over.
About Jennine Estes, MFT
Think of me as your relationship consultant, I'm your neutral third party that can help you untangle the emotions and help you figure out what's really going on. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Supervisor. I write relationship and self growth advice for my column Relationships in the Raw. Creator of #BeingLOVEDIs campaign. MFC#47653