Say goodbye to doubt and suspicion
2. Think about your past. If you were cheated on before, it will take a lot more work to trust and lower your jealousy behaviors and thoughts. Be real with yourself about whether or not you have deep-rooted jealousy that dates back to a past relationship. If you don’t know where the jealousy comes from, it will be much more difficult to extinguish it in your current relationship. Be honest with your significant other about your issues — let him or her know that it may take you some time to build trust, but keep an open communication as you create trust and get over your jealousy.
3. Don’t try to change overnight. If you simply expect to wake up tomorrow without any jealousy, you are doomed for failure. You need to work with your partner to build trust over time. Create a plan with your significant other, and talk about what you each need to do to contribute to a more positive dynamic. For example, maybe your partner needs to stop texting an overly friendly female co-worker, and you need to let him spend alone time with his friends without giving him the third degree when he gets home. Whatever your specific issues are, be explicit about what each partner is going to do to help build a higher level of trust.
Jealousy is one sure-fire way to send a relationship into a tail spin. It’s easy to get trapped in a cycle of questioning, defensive behavior, and arguments. In order to break free, you must take a reality check and figure out where your issues are coming from. Once you make a plan of action and really try to change your patterns, your relationship can get on a better track.
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About Jennine Estes, MFT
Think of me as your relationship consultant, I'm your neutral third party that can help you untangle the emotions and help you figure out what's really going on. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Supervisor. I write relationship and self growth advice for my column Relationships in the Raw. Creator of #BeingLOVEDIs campaign. MFC#47653