The Break Up Quiz: Do You Have Relationship Blues?
Answer these questions about your current feelings or behavior honestly. This quiz can help you determine if you are suffering from depression after your break up, in which case you can use the help of a professional. Simply put a check mark next to each statement that describes you right now, or within the last week.
_____ I can’t seem to feel happy and most often feel down.
_____ I either get too much sleep, or hardly get any sleep.
_____ I have a hard time falling asleep.
_____ I am crying often.
_____ I have lost my appetite.
_____ I can’t seem to concentrate any more.
_____ I tend to avoid calling my friends and going out.
_____ I feel tired all the time.
_____ I can’t see any positive for future relationships.
_____ I keep thinking of ways to fix the relationship and make it better.
If you have 6 or more items checked off, you could be suffering from situational depression. It is time to get out of this misery and back into your regular routine. Give me a call if you want to start individual therapy and make a change for the positive. It is time to recover from the past and get on with your life in the present.
Question: I am in a relationship of 7 years and I have feelings for my friend. I text her all the time, I make excuses to see her, and I’d prefer to talk to her over my girlfriend. I keep putting myself in situations that I know aren’t right, but I just can’t seem to stop. I know she has feelings for me too. I love my girlfriend, but this has me so confused. What do I do?
Answer: First things first. Don’t’ take this issue lightly. Your heart has been touched and you can’t ignore that feeling. Pay attention to this feeling and be serious with the issue. Our hearts get touched for various reason and you need to figure out how yours got here to begin with. If a person is in a secure relationship, emotions don’t simply spark out of the blue. Yes, we may have crushes along the way, but when our emotions take over, this is a sign that there is more going on than meets the eye.
Think of this time in your life, and these feelings, as a serious wake-up call. Maybe you have been screaming out for certain needs to be met and your partner missed it. Or maybe you never really shared what you needed and now this certain someone is touching that tender spot. Maybe you never really were in tune with what you actually needed until you got a sample of it. Or, this may be the sign that you are emotionally done with your current relationship with your girlfriend. Before you make a quick jump, I suggest major soul searching first.
Being around the friend right now will only complicate your emotional world. Interacting with this friend may only show you a distorted image of a glamorous time together without exposing the “daily grind” of life. Comparing the friendship to your relationship is like comparing apples to oranges. They are in completely different categories. Put the interaction on hold so you can make a decision on your current relationship with a more clear head. This is probably the hardest part. Sometimes we can feel so alive with this other person that putting the interaction “on hold” may be very challenging to do. However, you and your 7 year relationship deserve the time it takes you to make a clear decision. Get a support and an accountability partner that will help you through this.
The cleanest cut is making sure to close one chapter before you start a new chapter. Maybe your current relationship isn’t exactly done. Once you have this step back from your friend, examine the good, the bad, and the ugly in your relationship. Take note on what is going right and what is missing.
Answer the following question:
1. Is your relationship something you are willing to invest time and emotions in to?
2. If your partner make serious changes, would this help you consider diving back into the relationship?
If you answer yes to the questions, then maybe it is time to start expressing exactly (and clearly) what you need in the relationship. Your partner needs to know the seriousness of the requests and it can be helpful to let her know about your heart. Don’t avoid the conversations any more and make this relationship a priority. This may mean that you need to disconnect from your friend for the long term to create a sense of safety and reassurance with your girlfriend. Seek out professional help from a counselor that will help you two navigate how to mend things and make it right.
If you answered no to the questions, and you aren’t willing to invest time in the relationship no matter what your partner does, this may be the sign that you are really done. I recommend reaching out to others and counselors to help you through this time. Make sure you close this chapter without guilt before you enter in to the next relationship or rendezvous.
Social Media and breakups make it more difficult to get over your ex.
In a study where 24 young adults were interviewed, researchers found that “… 12 of the study subjects deleted the digital reminders, eight were keepers and four were selective about what they kept or deleted.” Basically, half of the study subjects deleted all reminders of their ex, but the other half didn’t find it so easy to remove all digital reminders of the relationship. The study also found that some of the people who deleted content regretted it afterwards. Here are some tips for how to stop social media from making it hard to heal from your breakup.
Before you take any steps on social media that you might regret later, turn away from social media for at least a week or two. Deactivate your account, or just log out and clear your browser history so it’s harder to return to the site. This cooling off period will give you distance from the digital reminders, and prevent you from deleting everything which you might regret. It also gives you time away from all of the digital reminders that are like salt in a wound.
You can hide people from some news feeds, such as Facebook. This will stop pictures of your ex or his status updates from popping up without actually having to remove your connection. This usually won’t be enough, however, because it’s too tempting to keep visiting the profile. When you need to, unfriend your ex so that you can really distance yourself from his posts and pictures. It can be hurtful to see that he’s moved on, and you’re just reopening the wound every time you log in.
Save Pictures Before You Delete Them
It might be necessary to remove images with your former flame, because it’s just too hard to look through the albums. Save these images to a flash drive or external storage device, and then remove them from Facebook. This way, if you ever want the images you have a copy, but you are not continuing to concentrate on a negative memory of the past when looking through your pictures.
Digital evidence can make it really hard to move on after a breakup. At the end of the day, do what you need to do to move forward in a positive way. If that means untagging yourself in images, or even blocking people — the most important thing is that you’re taking steps to remain positive and start to heal.