Life on The Fence

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What to Consider if You're One Foot Out the Door.

Women who are unfulfilled in a relationship soon begin to live on the fence. Half invested the relationship, half completely checked out and ready to leave. When this happens, you can’t seem to find that feeling of love and feeling alive. Thoughts of stepping out of the relationship become more frequent and much more tempting.

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The Party Scene in the Gayborhood: Signs to Call it Quits or Cut Back on Partying

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Do you know a lot of the bartenders, bouncers, and regulars when you go out in Hillcrest? Are the endless nights of socializing, hook-ups, drinking, partying, and whatever else comes your way a regular occurrence in your life? Or better yet, have you mastered the party scene in Hillcrest and know exactly how to find the next hotspot of the night?

Partying can be a blast, especially in a community where you know a lot of people. But let's be real....sometimes partying can simply get way out of hand. Don't get me wrong, I like to have a good time and go out on the town....but I have also seen how partying can damage various aspects of relationships and life. The gay and gay-friendly community is large in San Diego, yet it can also be very small at the same time.

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Healthy U-Hauling for Lesbians

u-hauling for lesbians

You may have heard the joke, "What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul." And you may have heard the follow up joke, "What does a gay man bring on a second date?" and the answer is "What second date?"

These two jokes portray the stereotypical differences between the two genders. For those not familiar with the phrase "U-Haul Lesbian," it describes how many lesbians jump quickly into relationships when it comes to love and then move in together after a very short period of dating.

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Best 50 Relationship Tips of the Year

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I started this year out using my social networking as a place to share free relationship tips to others.

For some people, twitter is a huge community and support network. For other people, it isn’t their cup of tea. As a business owner (and a therapist), I decided to create a place for support, providing relationship tips and tools on social networking sites. I thought it would be great to highlight some of my favorite quick tips.

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Got Dumped? The Break Up Quiz

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Are you in the Dumps after the breakup?

Breakups are hard to get over, especially if it isn't really what you wanted. It can be extremely hard to get out of the dumps. Below is a short quiz to see how bad your symptoms are. Are you depressed? Take a few moments to go through this Relationship Blues check list.

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How to Cope and Heal From Your Partner’s Sexual Addiction

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Healing From the Pain and Trying to Make Sense of Life

Has your heart and your reality been shattered into a thousand little peices when you found out about this secretive lifestyle of your partner? Do you notice your mind racing, trying to put these new puzzle pieces together from the signs you noticed in your partners behavior?

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Resources for Partners of a Sexual Addict

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Involved in a committed relationship where a LARGE secret as now been exposed, shattering your heart, and having you examine the entire relationship.

Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction is very hard, but it is even harder when it comes to sexual addiction. It tends to be this hidden away, secretive issue that no-one talks about.

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The Bridal Survival Guide

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How to Keep Your Relationship Strong for Tying the Knot

Let’s face it....planning a wedding can be exciting, yet it can also come with many complications. The stress of planning, the financial strains, and the family dynamics can get tangled up and drive a wedge in between many couples. My goal is to help you build a solid foundation and help you two feel very confident when you are saying “I do” at the wedding altar.

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Questions to Ask & Address Before You Say “I Do”

Questions to Ask & Address Before You Say “I Do”

Marriage is no simple, everyday thing. So make sure you are ready for this life-long commitment by addressing some of the fundamentals of the relationship.

There are thousands of questions that we can go through before getting married, but I chose the main issues that I continue to see couples struggle with. Having a game plan before you get married suppress the sometimes overwhelming feeling of, “am I making the right decision?” and will allow you and your future spouse to feel so connected and tightly knit that nothing can get break the everlasting bond you are about to enter.

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San Diego Crisis Resources

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Sometimes We Might Need a Little Help...

There are times when we simply can't manage to take on any more burden, pain, or suffering. The really hard days may feel unbearable, difficult to pick yourself up, or hopeless about your situation. It is at this time when reaching out for outside help might do the trick....or at least help you get moving in the right direction.

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How to Communicate with Wedding Vendors

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It’s time to plan your wedding and tie the knot!

Planning a wedding is fun for some brides and grooms, yet for others it can be full of ups-and-downs. Some of the “downers” in wedding planning is the mis communication and difficult contacts with vendors. Since a large portion of wedding planning is communicating with vendors, I decided to reach out directly to other wedding vendors to hear what they had to say about preventing miscommunication.

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Relationship Resources

Take Action, Be In Control....from the Inside Out

Below are different links, resources, and tools that will help you navigate through life. You will find various resources such as my column Relationships in the Raw, article pieces that I have written, books that I recommend to my clients, crisis hotlines, and other links that I think might be useful to you. As always, if there are questions or concerns about your current situation, please contact me immediately. Resources are always useful, but never a solution to self help your own issues.

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LGBT Resources

LGBT support


San Diego has a wealth of services available to the LGBT community, if you know where to look. In addition to offering therapy services to the LGBT community at Estes Therapy, we're happy to share some of the other LGBT resources in our city. All of the organizations below offer help to the San Diego LGBT community, from wedding planning to finding a place of worship.

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Single? Don’t Sweat It – the positives of being single

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Why it's better to be happily ever single than in a mediocre relationship.

Sometimes when a relationship ends, or you haven’t been in a relationship for a while, you might start to feel down or as if being single is the worst thing in the world. Or, you might stay in a relationship that is less than stellar because you’re afraid of being alone. In reality, it’s better to be single, strong, and happy than be in a mediocre relationship just so you have the validation of being a part of a couple. There are several positives to being single instead of staying in a bad relationship.

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The Ingredients of Emotional Health



Pinterest is quickly becoming a dominate social media outlet and I have been building my boards and putting them into categories. As I look for pins that exhibit health, images and quotes showing physical health and fitness abound, but pins depicting mental and emotional health are not so easy to come by. This got me thinking – especially as a therapist who focuses on relationship dynamics and emotional well-being – have we forgotten that emotional health is key to overall health? Mental health is just as important as physical health in many ways, and in fact how you feel can affect the state of your body. There are many aspects to overall health; here are some things to work on as you try to better yourself.

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