How can we rekindle our romance in a long term relationship?
Most couples often feel a sense of absolute happiness, love, connection, and excitement at the beginning of a relationship. You may look back on your wedding day and remember feeling that the bond between you and your beloved seemed so tight that nothing could pull it apart … but, eventually you may have learned otherwise. What happened to that bond after many years of routine and added responsibilities such as children, work, bills, cleaning, health, and all of life’s other little obstacles?
Keep the romance alive
While you were living the daily American routine of working too much and trying to cope with life’s ongoing struggles, the romance that originally sparked the marriage began to diminish. Hopefully you and your significant other are both trying to fix things, but right now, I have your attention. These quick tips will help You get the romance to spark again:
- Flare-up the flirt: Find ways to flirt with your partner and show them you are interested in connecting with them on a more intimate level. Try to show your playful mood where you can, have fun and connect in a flirting way. Spice it up a bit … I dare you.
- Maintain the connection: We all know life gets busy … with late hours at work, taking kids to soccer practice, running errands, etc. Make your relationship a priority and schedule time each week alone together. Make this time together mutually enjoyable and use it as a way to maintain your emotional connection. And yes … this means time away from the television. Create a time and place where there are no distractions and no responsibilities … just like it used to be. Reserve this time for fun time, this is not the time to talk bills or responsibilities. You can schedule a separate time in the week for those conversations. (You can check out some date night ideas here!)
- Slow it down: You are probably well known for giving, giving, and giving some more. But, by the end of the night, you find yourself so exhausted from your day that you no longer have any energy for your partner. An easy way to help fight this relationship killer is to slow down and find ways to rejuvenate and re-energize throughout the day. Not only will you save your own sanity, but the more energized you are, the more you can be available for your partner at the end of the night.
- Remember the past: Take a look back on how you used interact in your relationship. In the past were you overwhelmed with work and life? Or were you energetic, enthusiastic and ready to take on life’s challenges? Did you wait until 6 pm to have a real conversation with your partner, or did you talk to each other throughout the day? Think of what you used to do back in the good ol’ days and try to recreate some of those same themes. Think about what drew you to your partner in the first place, and what drew them to you.
I am going to tell you what you already know: marriage doesn’t have to be routine, boring, and dry. It may not be easy, and it may not always be fun, but how you experience saving your relationship often depends on … yes, you guessed it … You.
If your relationship is missing the spark and you would like to build a healthier relationship, please visit My Website to schedule an appointment and learn more about how I work as a therapist.
About Jennine Estes, MFT
Think of me as your relationship consultant, I'm your neutral third party that can help you untangle the emotions and help you figure out what's really going on. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Supervisor. I write relationship and self growth advice for my column Relationships in the Raw. Creator of #BeingLOVEDIs campaign. MFC#47653