Do you have any hidden secrets? Secrets come in different shapes, sizes, and colors. Secrets could be from a little “white lie” to a large trauma wound from childhood. There is much debate on how much to share or not share with secrets in relationships. Jennine, your San Diego Relationship Therapist, was quoted in Redbook Magazine on secrets you should never keep and why.
Many people hold on to their deep, dark secrets due to a variety of reason, such as shame, fear of hurting the relationship, embarrassment, fear of being judged, etc. The reasons to why we hold secrets is endless. The problem is holding on to secrets can actually damage relationships and it doesn’t give your partner the opportunity to help you work through the issue or to resolve the problem. Jennine’s rule of thumb: Be an open book with your partner….as long as it is safe for you to do so in the relationship.
Below are a few of the quotes from San Diego Expert Jennine Estes in Redbook Magazine giving tips on Secrets that you should never keep:
The aftershocks of horrible experiences, especially if they’re sexual in nature, nearly always influence the way we are in our relationships, Estes says.
The key, Estes says, is to bring up scary feelings like boredom or resentment before any true damage is done, or anyone steps out. “If you ever think your marriage may be in danger, speak up quickly, no matter how much it hurts.”
While your body is always your own, you have to understand that once you’re married, your health affects everyone in your family, Estes says.
Often, what makes a person hold on to their secrets is fear. “People who hide information from their mates do it because they think they’ll be judged or deemed less lovable,” Estes says. “But keeping things hidden is stressful and can wind up creating distance between you, because you’re guarded or on edge. As scary as it is, if you open up and expose your scars, you could see major benefits.”
Read the full Redbook Magazine article 5 Secrets you Should Never Keep to learn more what Jennine said about secrets.