LEARN HOW TO SIDESTEP COUPLE-KILLERS IN THE FUTURE.
Publication: GlamourArticle Title: Dating Tips: 8 Habits That Wreck Your Relationship
Publication Date: September 2009
Author: Brenda Della Casa
URL: Glamour – * Habits that Wreck Your Relationship
Pick up your clothes! Can you stop playing that video game?! Help me with the house! No, you can’t go out with your friends today, we have plans! These are all things many people tend to say when they get comfortable in your relationship. Your San Diego therapist calls this the Mom-ing syndrome, and says it’s a big no- no. Many people get in bad habits in their relationship and it can be difficult to stop. Here’s what Marriage and Family Therapist, Jennine Estes says in Glamour,
Scolding your mate creates an unhealthy dynamic of parent-child relationship, which automatically puts your partner into a child role and you into the role of mom,” says Jennine Estes, M.A, a marriage and family therapist and author of “Relationships in the Raw.” “Children often do the opposite when they feel as if they don’t have a choice, and this is similar for couples.”
“Instead of scolding or telling him what to do or not do, try to ask for your needs in a clear and respectful way and avoid using the ‘mother’ tone,” says Estes. “Share with your partner the importance of your needs rather than demanding or scoffing at what he has or hasn’t done right. Also, scolding him like you are his mother can put you in a parent role, carrying the relationship without any assistance or partnership.”