More Sex? Here are a Few Tips to Spice up the Bedroom

more sex marriage advcie

Don’t let life get in the way of your sexual intimacy

Work, kids, dinner, cleaning, bills, errands, social life … the list is endless.  Sometimes it seems as if our society’s theme for life is “keep working, keep doing.” This is very helpful for business, yet can turn life into a “routine” and cause intimacy in the bedroom to wane.  Simply because life has become dull and routine, doesn’t mean your sexual intimacy needs to be on autopilot or become extinct. Here are a few tips to spice up the bedroom connection and have more sex:

  1. Get out of the routine!! Surprise your partner by doing something out of the ordinary.  If you meet him at the door with dinner, meet him at the door only wearing stilettos. If you have sex only in the morning, find a way to wake up in the middle of the night and surprise him.
  2. Change your Role: Sexual intimacy often comes with roles … make an effort to change your role to show your partner your added interest. If your partner is the pursuer, make it your goal to pursue your partner.
  3. Change Locations. Sex shouldn’t have to be limited to one location or one position.  Make an effort to change the location and do things differently.  If your sexual intimacy only consists of in the bedroom, get creative and find ways to change it up.
  4. Wear Lingerie: Wearing sweats and long T-shirts to bed can be extremely comfortable, but it also doesn’t allow your partner to see your interest in sexual intimacy.  This is not only for him, but for you as well.  Feel sexy more often, and you will find yourself connecting in the bedroom more often, too.
  5. Start to Mind-Prep: The majority of men can become aroused with simply a thought or an image.  That is great for them, but the downside is that women don’t function the same way!  In fact, many women have difficulty getting “in the mood” and need a little “jump start.”  Start preparing your mind throughout the day to help you get in the mood.
  6. Slow-to-Warm: Some women need more to get them in the mood than just traditional foreplay.  Male partners need to understand that intimacy for them often starts in the morning with a kiss, continues through the day with stimulating conversation, and then peaks in the bedroom.  For others, sexual intimacy can be established by connecting throughout the day.
  7. Ask About Needs: Your partner isn’t a mind reader and can’t always know exactly what you want or need.  Ask and show your partner what you like and what you want them to do for you sexually.  Don’t forget to ask your partner about what they want and need in the bedroom, too.

Beat your relationship blues and create healthy communication. Another article that might be helpful to have more sex and improve your marriage: Rekindling Romance


About Jennine Estes, MFT

Think of me as your relationship consultant, I'm your neutral third party that can help you untangle the emotions and help you figure out what's really going on. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Supervisor. I write relationship and self growth advice for my column Relationships in the Raw. Creator of #BeingLOVEDIs campaign. MFC#47653