Counseling isn’t “one size fits all,” and every therapist may not be a good fit for you.
Are you looking for a therapist who will fit your marriage counseling needs? This is a very difficult road to find a mental health counselor that is trained specifically in the issues you are facing. Some people type in Google, “best marriage counselor in San Diego” and they have no idea how to determine what the right process is and what to ask. It is a very important part of your therapy process, before you can begin to make progress, you need to find the right therapist.
One of the most painful challenges is getting to speak to the therapist and ask them directly. In this article, you will learn what to look for, what questions to ask, and how to determine if the therapist is what you need.
Pay Attention to Specific Training.
Did you know that therapists all have different “schools of thought” on how to create change? It is called a theoretical orientation. Finding the therapist who best fits your needs for marriage counseling in San Diego starts with their background and training. All clinicians will say they have marriage counseling training (which happened in School), but you need to know if they had extensive training in Emotionally Focused Therapy or Gottman Method Counseling. For example, if you or your partner has gone through a trauma that is impacting the relationship, make sure the counselor you choose is trained in working with trauma (like I am with EMDR).
Learn About Theoretical Orientation.
Did you know there are many different styles of counseling, different “schools of thought,” and different techniques? Believe it or not, there are many styles and theoretical orientations used in counseling. Some theories are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Bowenian Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Psychodynamic, and Narrative. Educating yourself on the different theories will help you understand which therapist may be a better match for your situation and way of thinking. Some theories will work better for certain people, does the style of the counselor fit with your personality? This is very important!
Don’t Be Cheap. Find the BEST Fit.
Don’t take the “one size fits all” approach and search for the cheapest therapist in San Diego. Your marriage may be hanging on by a thread or severely hurt by a significant event. Time is of the essence and you should find a therapist who can really handle your situation. Find the BEST marriage counselor, not the cheapest. Remember, one size does not fit all, and “affordable” or “low cost” doesn’t always equal a good fit. Invest in your marriage, and it will save you a lot of money and heartache from having to go through a variety of counselors, which can feel exhausting and may even leave you feeling defeated or hopeless. This is your life and your relationship; you want to invest in it. That being said, it doesn’t hurt to ask therapists if they have any low-fee slots or sliding scale availability.
Talk to the Counselor.
Research shows that one of the biggest factors in progress with counseling is the therapist-client relationship. Sometimes a photo and website just isn’t enough to feel confident that you are making a good decision. The first impression always counts. You will need to watch how the therapist interacts with you, responds to your concerns, and connects with your situation. Make sure your gut instinct isn’t screaming, “watch out, this doesn’t feel right.” Keep in mind you are discussing painful and uncomfortable issues, so it may take a few sessions to really know if you are comfortable with this therapist or not. Remember this is your space. If you have any questions or thoughts coming up in the session you want to express to your counselor, do it.
Look out for emotional attunement. Not only is it important to feel comfortable and understood by your therapist, but the therapist needs to be able to attune to you emotionally. Basically, what this means is they need to fully understand what you are feeling emotionally and why you are feeling the way you feel. You need to feel like your therapist “gets” you. Feeling attune with your therapist will help create and keep the space safe. The worst thing to do is feel misunderstood and fight to be understood in each session. That is a waste of time, emotions, and money.
It is critical to know that you and your therapist have the same goals in mind. There needs to be a roadmap for what you need. Therapy is not about venting to someone for an hour, but never making change or progress or feel like it’s going anywhere. When I am with my clients, we discuss the goals and then I share how we are going to get there – the roadmap. Therapy won’t be successful if there are different goals and the roadmap isn’t clearly stated and agreed upon.
Website Snoop!
Take a peek around your potential therapist’s online website and get a good feel for that therapist. Read their materials on their website, read their blogs, and learn more about the therapist. Simply because someone shows up on the first page of Google for marriage counseling in San Diego doesn’t mean that person is the best fit for you. A counselor should have a lot of information on her website that shows she is knowledgeable and well-trained in the specific area of your relationship needs, which will also help you narrow down your search. You will learn a lot about a therapist and their specialty when you do your research.
Be Open-Minded
Don’t forget, walking into a counseling office is very difficult and may stir up a bit of emotion for you. Look past your own anxiety and be open minded to what the therapist has to offer. Sometimes going into counseling requires you to do some soul searching and take responsibility for your actions. San Diego has hundreds of great marriage counselors, so you get to take your time and find the best one that fits your specific needs.
