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Sometimes it can be hard to identify what you're feeling. You can tell something is up but you don't quite know why. This can lead us into a heightened state, and sometimes with no resolution. Emotions are strongly connected to physical sensations and learning to be able to listen to your body will help you better name and understand your emotions, and ultimately better understand yourself.
There is research that ranks divorce as one of the most stressful life events, second only to loosing a long term spouse or life partner to death. (Dohrenwend et al., 1978; Holmes and Rahe, 1967; Gahler, 2006).
The end of a relationship can feel like the end of life as you knew it. It is common to experience a sense of chaos, a lack of control over your own path. There are different circumstances that will impact how you experience divorce; the length of the marriage, whether there are children from the relationship, the reason for the relationship ending, if you are the one who is making the decision to end it, whether it was unexpected or the divorce is coming after many years of the couple experiencing ongoing struggles in the relationship.However, everyone will experience a grieving process after the end of a long term relationship, even the person who is choosing to leave the marriage.
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Going through the grieving process
Everyone will experience grief of some sort at some point in life. After all, to love is to experience loss at some point. However, most people don't have a clear understanding of what grief is about. In my work, as I help people during these painful process I often hear questions about what “healthy” grieving should look like, what is normal for them to feel, how long is it ok for someone to continue experiencing symptoms of grief.
