▹Posts Categorized: Communication

How to Deal With Fear in Your Relationship

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stop being defensive

Overcoming the Obstacles that Keep You Stuck

Many arguments between couples have fear at the heart. Whether it’s fear of abandonment, fear of being rejected, or a fear of falling apart – sometimes you can lash out at the person who you want to keep the closest to you. Even though the fight might look on the surface like it’s about something else, if you look close enough you can often find that some sort of fear is hiding just under the surface. By managing your fears, you can begin to calm the storm that has begun in your relationship and heal the wounds. Here are some tips for how to conquer the fear in your relationship so you can move into a healthy direction.

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5 Ways to Prevent a Fight

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Quick tips on how to stop fighting in a relationship

Arguments in relationships become a cycle — when a specific pain point or topic gets brought up, one partner gets defensive and the other pushes to get the point across. One partner might always flee, and then the other has to chase him. You might also experience arguments more when one person is exhausted after a day at work. These patterns become a comfortable cycle, even though they may be detrimental to your bond as a couple.

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What’s Your Love Language?

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We all experience love in different ways.

Like my #BeingLovedIs project has shown, what it means to be loved can be so different from one person to the next — and no one way is right. If you and your partner have different love languages, it can seem like you’re not on the same page. One or both people in the relationship might wind up feeling neglected, which will cause a crinkle in your bond. The best thing you can do is figure out which love language applies to you and get your partner to do the same. Once you know who you each receive love, you can start to best communicate your love for each other!

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ADD in Marriage: Management Tips

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ADD

Learning tools for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

When you are living with a partner who has ADD, there are additional challenges above and beyond what the average couple will encounter on a daily basis. You might feel like your partner doesn't listen to you or can't really "see" you. Because your partner has difficulty focusing and may have trouble with organization or forgetfulness, you are bound to encounter situations where you ask for something from the store and he forgets, or you need help with a project but he walks away half-way through. When a long pattern of this occurs is where most problems occur. It can be easy to take your partner's actions personal, even though they are the result of the ADD, and not a reflection on how much he cares for you. If you don't treat the underlying issue, the ADD, it's easy to build resentments over years of forgotten birthdays, impulsive behavior, or distracted conversations.

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Substance Abuse and Relationships

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Substance Abuse and Relationships

How Addiction Can Impact Your Bond

Any relationship has its bumps in the road, but addiction is a real road block that can cause your relationship to lose its secure attachment and pose real danger -- both emotional and physical. If you are the loved one of an addict, you may feel helpless, and torn between staying in the relationship or walking away. Many people who love addicts fear being an enabler, but also don't want to leave their partner in the cold. Substance abuse is a hard road, but with the right resources, when the addict is ready to get help you can get to the other side.

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Recovering From the Loss of a Child: How to Save Your Marriage

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Communication

ADD

Tools to Keep Your Grief From Breaking You Apart

Losing a child is quite possible the greatest pain you can experience in your life. The stress of the tremendous grief you must walk through is not only detrimental to your own personal mental health, but it can wreak havoc on your marriage. Men and women often grieve in opposite ways, and when you navigate through your pain differently than your spouse, sometimes it seems like you are in it alone. If you experience the unthinkable and lose a child, this is the time when you need most to turn to each other for support, even if your grief looks very different from your partner’s. Here are some ways to stay close as you go through the loss of a child.

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How Sharing a Family Secret can Bring a Couple Closer

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Why Opening the Door Can Bring You Closer

Do you have a family secret that you have been harboring from your partner? Is it fear or embarrassment that keeps you from revealing the secret? Sharing a heavy family secret, such as molestation or physical abuse, is not an easy topic to discuss with anyone, let alone the one you love the most. Strangely enough…rather than scare your partner off, revealing a deep secret can help couples grow emotionally closer and build a better bond for their future.

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A Story about Toilet Paper to Inspire Positive Change…Really

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How to make sure you don't adapt to unhealthy relationships

When I left America to live in Spain for a year, I couldn't always find toilet paper in the bathrooms. Something that most people in the US simply expect to be there could not be relied on, so I adapted. Everywhere I went, I kept tissue in my purse, and eventually it just became normal that I sometimes had to dip into my personal tissue stash. I learned to adjust to the situation. When I moved back to the United States, I had a reverse culture shock -- every bathroom had toilet paper and many also have paper towels. Something that I had thought of as "normal" and an expected convenience before I left for Spain suddenly took me off guard. I had a bit of "reverse culture shock" to something I knew was supposed to be there, but I learned to live without it.

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Help! My Friend is Marrying a Loser!

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friend is marrying a loser

Steps to share your concerns about her choice

When you watch you friend in a relationship that is less than healthy, it can feel pretty helpless. If she actually declares that they're going to tie the knot, you will feel even worse. It's like standing on the curb together and watching as she starts to step into the street.

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Women: Do You Say “Go” When You Really Mean “Stay”?

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Women threatening to leave me relationship advice

Stop! Don't push him out the door when you should be fighting for the relationship

Do you push your partner away when you're in trouble? Sometimes when one partner is in pain, he or she will tell the other person to leave. Especially if your partner is the threatening to leave, your hurt feelings may cause you to react by saying, "Fine, just go!" You might mean that you want them to leave for the night or forever. In reality, many times when this happens you actually want your partner to stay and fight for the relationship -- you don't want them to go at all!

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Are You Apologizing Right?

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It's more than just saying "I'm Sorry" -- and here's why.

Saying that you're sorry after you know you've done something wrong is often not an easy task. You may have a hard time finding the right words, or be worried that the other person will reject your gesture. Even if you're anxious, the worst thing you can do is just say a generic "I'm sorry" without any feeling or sincerity.

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Relationship Playbook: Rules to Live By

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relationship rules

Here is a mini-playbook of sorts. It doesn't include everything you need to know for a healthy relationship, but it's a good start.

Relationships are forever evolving, and every relationship is unique to itself. Each relationship you have in your life will be different in some way from any other relationship. Still, there are some basic rules to live by when it comes to relationships. Are you looking for some tenets to follow in your relationship?

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Making New Memories: The Importance of San Diego Couples’ Photo Shoot

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Communication

couples premarital relationships

What the photography expert Sean Capshaw has to say:

Getting photographs as a couple might seem like a trivial thing, but it can actually help you stay connected! Life gets chaotic, and in the rush of things sometimes keeping track of milestones or just celebrating your relationship gets lost in the shuffle. When couples have kids, they might put a focus on tracking their children's growth and not stop to take photos of themselves. Having photos to hang of just yourselves as a couple serves as a reminder of your bond.

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Want to Feel Lighter? Unpack Your Emotional Baggage

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Emotional Baggage: Dealing with Trauma in Relationships

Getting your emotional baggage out in the open can support a healthy relationship in the long run.

We all have emotional baggage going into a relationship. After all, you haven’t been living in a bubble until you met your partner. Our emotional baggage can get heavy when we carry it alone, so it helps to share the load with a trusted partner. On the other hand, you don’t want to disclose your entire past to someone on the very first date. So when do you start to unpack your baggage in a relationship and how do you get help with this intense task?

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