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Posts Categorized: Communication
Don’t Be Afraid to Fight
There are right ways and wrong ways to fight.
Often people worry that if they are fighting in their relationship that that means they do not belong together. But the truth is that fighting can actually help your relationship become healthier – if you do it right. Arguments, especially in the beginning of your relationship, help to define where the lines are. However, it is important to know what you are fighting about, to be clear about what is upsetting you, and to say what you really mean. Sometimes this is easier said than done.
Read More7 Tips for Successful Communication About Sex
Communication about sex can be vulnerable
The truth is, communicating openly about sex can be a vulnerable- and sometimes tough- thing to do. For some, knowing where to start with these conversations can feel confusing and overwhelming. Sex and intimacy is such an important part of our identities and our relationships. It is crucial to be able to practice sitting in the vulnerability and have these open conversations with your partner.
Read MoreMy Child Came Out To Me
Are you unsure how to react to your child coming out to you?
I have had parents ask me this a few times now, so I thought it’s time to share some quick and easy guidelines about how to handle your child’s coming out. What is most important is your relationship with your child. How you react to something that they hold fear or uncertainty around can greatly influence that relationship. You might be nervous about how to handle this for fear of pushing your child away. They have entrusted you with a part of their identity that they may hold anxiety or fear around. They are looking for you to be a safe space, to continue to accept and love them, and to not treat them any differently.
Read MoreFour Divorce Predictions and Their Antidotes
After over 40 years of research, Dr. John Gottman has seen four main predictors of divorce and unhappy relationships.
Divorce or separation doesn’t come without warning. You or your partner isn’t going to go to sleep completely happy with your relationship and then wake up the next morning and think “never mind” for no reason. So what should you be looking out for? Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Read MoreSix Steps for Dating Your Spouse Again
How to keep focus on your relationship - even after marriage
With crammed schedules and the balancing act of work, kids, family, stress, and maybe even a little self-care time, becoming ‘autopilot partners’ can be SO easy. With the autopilot left on over time, your spouse can begin to feel like a roommate. This can lead to falling into routines of disconnection that end up hurting you both. Being intentional about dating your spouse will not only work to keep you close and connected, it will also buffer your relationship against negativity- making those inevitable tough conversations a little bit easier. Plus, dating each other again can be a lot of fun. Sounds like a win-win-win!
How To Deal With Your Defensive Partner
How do you stop defensiveness from harming your relationship?
Your partner hurt your feelings or crossed a line. You want to share how you feel, but you never feel heard. Better yet, you have tried so many ways to talk about your feelings and get nowhere. They respond with explanation and frustration. They may say, “I would have gotten that done sooner, but I was busy.” Or “You are always so critical.” While we can’t control how your partner responds, we can increase the chance that they will listen by communicating in a positive and constructive way.
Read More6 Steps to Prevent Your Partner’s Defensiveness
Defensiveness puts up a wall in your relationship. Stop it before it starts.
A defensive person is emotionally closed off, argumentative, and often exhibits negative body language like crossed arms. They will deflect the conversation away from the original issue and either refuse to engage or launch loosely related counterattacks on their partner. This doesn't sound like the kind of person you would feel safe expressing your hurt or concerns with, does it? So how do you stop yourself or your partner from jumping to the defensive?
Read MoreStop Pokémon Go from Ruining Your Relationship
Should you say "stop" to Pokémon Go for the sake of your relationship?
Pokémon Go has quickly become nothing short of a cultural phenomenon. With so many players and an incredible amount of media hype in a culture arguably already electronically obsessed, many are concerned about how this augmented reality game could affect relationships.
Read MoreTalk About Sex During Sex
How to Say "Eh" Without Killing the Mood
Usually the most productive conversations about what goes on in the bedroom happen outside of the bedroom, but sometimes in the moment you need to get your partner on the same page. A lot of times we hesitate to talk about sex during sex for fear of hurting our partner’s feelings or to avoid “killing the mood” but the truth is that when you are not fully present, the sexual experience is just not what it should be.
Read MoreHow to Communicate Hurt to Your Partner
Every relationship could happily do without dramatic confrontations and the mess that ensues. So how do you have the tough conversation without the theatrics or name calling? Overcoming hurt is not a simple thing. Each of you have an array of feelings and it is important for both of you to share what you need.
Read MoreWhat to do When Your Spouse Won’t Talk to You
This may sound familiar: you and your partner are sitting in the car, a mere two feet from one another, yet nobody is speaking. You try to start a conversation, but getting your partner to say more than a few words feels like pulling teeth from the mouth of an angry crocodile. You realize that you may have done something wrong, but your partner won’t tell you what it was.
Read MoreCouples Advice: How Control in Relationships Can Backfire
You will be shocked by what I learned about control in relationships while mountain biking.
Read MoreConflict Resolution: How to Fix a Fight in a Relationship
Steps on How to Repair and Pick Up After a Fight
Let’s face it: in the heat of an argument you can say things that are hurtful, passive aggressive, or downright untrue. So can your partner. That’s the bad news. The good news is that it IS possible to pick up after a big blow out and repair your relationship, restoring it to a healthy place.
Read MoreCommunication Advice: How to Practice Fighting Fair in Your Marriage
From an Emotionally Focused Therapy and Attachment Perspective - By Jen Zajac, MFT
There are some couples who fight explosively and often, and others who seem to rarely get into a heated argument. Perhaps you can recall separate relationships you have been in where each has had a different “fight dynamic”. Regardless of how you define what a fight is, we all at some point encounter conflict, or disagreements, in our relationships. If our emotional needs aren’t attended to, even the small things that get dismissed or “swept under the rug” can develop into larger issues later down the line. Merely avoiding a fight does not resolve conflict.
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