My Child Came Out To Me: How to Successfully Navigate and Support Them

So, your child just dropped a truth bomb on you, huh? They bravely came out, and now you find yourself standing at the intersection of ‘Oh my goodness, what do I do now?’ and ‘I want to handle this like a pro.’ Take a breath, grab a cup of coffee, or a strong herbal tea if that’s more your vibe, because we’re about to dive into the art of handling this moment with finesse. When your kid comes out to you, it’s not about you – it’s about being the supportive, understanding rockstar they need. Let’s navigate through this enlightening journey and emerge as the ultimate ally your child deserves.

what to do when your child is gay lgbt lesbian comes out transgenderHow to support your child’s coming out like a pro:

  • Educate yourself: Knowledge is power, my friend. It’s time to hit the books – or in this case, the web. Dive into resources that offer insights into what your child might be experiencing. There’s a treasure trove of information out there, from support groups to online articles, that can help you understand the diverse experiences of individuals who have come out. Learn the terminology, understand the challenges they might face, and educate yourself on how to be the rock-solid support system they need. Remember, knowledge will not only empower you but also show your child that you’re invested in understanding their world.
  • If they haven’t asked for a therapist, don’t put them into counseling right now. This will only shame them and they will feel like you don’t understand. They will not feel supported. At this time, kids often start closing up and not sharing their sexuality with their family because they feel like they are seen as if something medically is wrong with them.
  • Communicate: Make the conversation safe. Communication is key in any relationship, and this moment is no exception. Talk to your child openly and respectfully. Encourage a safe space where they feel comfortable discussing their feelings, concerns, and experiences. Remember, it’s okay not to have all the answers – what matters is your willingness to listen and learn. Ask questions, but ensure they come from a place of genuine curiosity and care. Most importantly, respect their privacy and confidentiality. Your child’s coming out is their story to share, so keep their trust sacred.
  • Let them lead the way: This is their process. They are discovering themselves, or gaining the courage to show others who they are. Later, see if counseling could help them feel more confident in who they are and learn how to handle coming out to others.
  • Celebrate and embrace their authenticity: It takes courage for teens to open up about their sexuality to their family members. Typically, there is TONS of fear around not being accepted or loved. Your child’s coming out is a celebration of their authentic self. Embrace it! Encourage them to live their truth proudly and help create an environment where they feel accepted and loved. Celebrate milestones, small or big, and empower them to embrace their identity with confidence. Remember, your support and acceptance will help shape a positive narrative for their journey ahead.
  • Don’t be afraid to talk about it in a curious way: Ask questions. Have a conversation. But you will also need to watch how they are responding. If they get quiet or defensive, it is too much and they are not ready to talk about it.
  • Being Gay, Bi-Sexual, or Transgender shouldn’t be a big issue: Treat it just the same way you would if they were to like someone of the opposite sex. It should NEVER be a big issue or the topic of the year type of thing. Once it becomes the focal point, it sends your child a message that something is wrong/abnormal with them. Shame and feelings of inadequacy will come up and they may decrease the amount of information they disclose to you. Their relationship with you is what you need to protect to make sure you can be part of their life and help guide them through their life.  
  • Connect with supportive communities: You’re not alone in this journey. Connecting with other parents, support groups, or communities can provide a wealth of guidance and support. Share your experiences, seek advice, and learn from others who have been where you are. Online forums, local community groups, or even seeking guidance from mental health professionals can offer invaluable insights and comfort. If you are struggling with it, you need to find a way to protect your relationship. They will need your support and it is difficult to support your child when you are struggling with their sexuality.
  • Religion and LGBTQ is typically a tough one to blend for some families: Blending queer and church can be difficult for some families, which often leads to major traumas. As a parent, your job is to protect your relationship with your child and you may be feeling a lot of fear around the spiritual/religious part.  Again, seek out guidance and support from your community.
  • Do not try to “change their mind” or think “it is a phase:” Your child is looking to connect with you and to feel safe with you. Learning about yourself and sharing that with others can be daunting, especially during adolescence. It is important to validate how your child is feeling, while also offering support. Your relationship with them is what matters, and how they feel should be the priority.

In conclusion, when your child comes out to you, it’s a monumental moment in both of your lives. Approach it with an open heart, a thirst for knowledge, and a commitment to be the unwavering support they need. Embrace this opportunity to foster a stronger, more authentic relationship with your child. After all, love, understanding, and support have no boundaries – they simply thrive on acceptance.

So, take a deep breath, embrace the journey, and get ready to be the most incredible ally your child could ask for. You’ve got this!

Remember, love always wins. 💖

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It’s been nearly 20 years since I first became interested in studying psychotherapy. I began practicing the scientific approaches to psychotherapy in 1997 and I was hooked from then on.

I earned my Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family psychotherapy in 2004 and I am currently licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist MFT (LMFT#47653) with the Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS).

I focus my practice upon the empirically-based and proven research methods of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

I’ve seen these techniques consistently get results and I truly believe they are the most effective at creating positive, long-term change.

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