What messages do you send to your partner in bed? Do you send the message that you are open for sexual intimacy? Do you show that you care?
Or are you sending a huge "Stop" sign that says you don't want to get close?
We’ve all heard it – the majority of what you’re saying isn’t the words you are using. Body language speaks volumes, and our tone of voice or level of enthusiasm can alter the meaning of what we say. Think about what non-verbal messages you send to your partner and how they might react to them. This will explain a lot of what happens in the bedroom.
What you don’t say can push someone away
Non-verbal signs can send a louder message than what you actually say out loud verbally.
Your partner will notice if you pull away when they try to touch you, or turn away from them as soon as you lay down. When your partner feels rejected each time he or she reaches for intimacy, your connection will be weakened and they may stop even trying to reach out to you. This can begin to influence your relationship outside of the bedroom, so be very careful about what messages you send in the bedroom.
If you are finding that you and your partner aren’t connecting, you could benefit from therapy addressing sexual issues. Sometimes sitting down in front of a neutral party can help you speak freely and figure out what each person needs to do, to make the connection stronger in the bedroom, and out of the bedroom.
Seek professional assistance if things aren’t changing in your relationship — your connection won’t just suddenly become stronger out of the blue.
As a marriage and family therapist, I can help you and your partner address your sexual issues and figure out how to send better messages to each other in the bedroom. Visit me at EstesTherapy to put an appointment online in just minutes — let’s see if I can help you rebuild your connection as a couple!
About Jennine Estes, MFT
Think of me as your relationship consultant, I'm your neutral third party that can help you untangle the emotions and help you figure out what's really going on. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Supervisor. I write relationship and self growth advice for my column Relationships in the Raw. Creator of #BeingLOVEDIs campaign. MFC#47653