Asexual Therapy
We Provide Virtual or In-Office Asexual Therapy for San Diego Residents at our Oceanside and Mission Valley, California Offices.
What is Asexual Therapy
Asexual Therapy is an affirmative therapy designed for people who identify as asexuals. This form of therapy helps asexual individuals navigate identity, relationships, and mental health shaped by their identities.
At Estes Therapy, our clinic is founded and owned by Jennine Estes Powell, LMFT, a gay therapist. We aim to make our therapy services inclusive and support the LGBTQIA+ community in San Diego, California. This care includes asexuality, one of the most overlooked identities in the rainbow community.
The Asexual Experience vs. The World
Asexual people can face unique challenges in an allonormative society. Allonormativity is the general assumption that everyone experiences sexual and romantic attraction. It is important to emphasize that asexuality is not a disorder or dysfunction. It is a valid and diverse expression, just as any other orientation in the LGBTQIA+ community.
As mental health professionals of said community, it still breaks our hearts when we meet asexual individuals who feel like there’s something wrong with them or are told their identity isn’t real. As licensed therapists in San Diego, California, we are here to offer the support they need. Asexual Therapy helps “aces” understand who they are and embrace themselves fully. It is far from harmful practices like conversion therapy.
How Asexual Therapy Supports Aces in Their Journey
By working with a therapist who understands the asexual spectrum, asexual individuals or “aces” can access a safe and affirming space to explore their identity, develop effective coping strategies, and find the support they need.
Understanding Asexuality and the Spectrum
Asexuality is a broad term for a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction or desire to be physically intimate with someone of any gender. Unlike celibacy or abstinence, asexuality isn’t a choice but an innate part of who a person is.
What a Person in the
Asexuality Spectrum Is
- They may enjoy romantic, platonic, and queerplatonic relationships.
- They may choose not to have sex because they have no interest in it.
- They may choose to masturbate or have sex even without sexual attraction.
- They can feel sexually aroused and be able to orgasm.
- They may have a committed partner and child.
- They may experience aesthetic attraction or appreciation for physical appearance with little to no desire for them sexually.
What a Person in the
Asexuality Spectrum Is NOT
- Unfeeling
- Has a low libido
- Has sexual dysfunction
- Has a mental illness
- Celibate or abstaining
- “Haven’t found the right person yet”
The Diversity of Asexual Identities
Asexuality isn’t the same for everyone. It exists on a spectrum that converges and diverges on and from sexual and romantic attraction. The variations of identities within the spectrum include some of the following:
- Aegosexual: Individuals who lack the desire to engage in sexual activities but may enjoy sexual fantasies, erotica, or porn with no desire to be involved in the activities themselves.
- Apothisexual: Asexual people who are averse to the idea of partaking in sexual activity but do not mind sexual activity that does not involve them.
- Cupiosexual: Individuals who do not experience sexual attraction but still desire a sexual relationship.
- Demisexual: Individuals who do not experience primary sexual attraction but may experience a secondary sexual attraction after they have formed a strong emotional connection.
- Fraysexual: Individuals who experience sexual attraction upon meeting someone but said attraction fades after getting to know them.
- Greysexual: This identity falls in the “gray area” between asexuality and sexuality, where the individual rarely experiences sexual attraction, and when they do, it’s because of particular circumstances.
Asexuality vs. Aromanticism: What’s the Difference?
Asexuality and aromanticism are two different orientations. If asexuality is characterized by the lack of sexual attraction, aromanticism is characterized by the lack of romantic attraction. However, just like asexuality, it exists in a spectrum, such as demiromantic, frayromantic, greyromantic, and more
How Asexual Therapy Supports Identity and Mental Health
Asexual Therapy provides a safe space for exploring and validating asexual identity. We teach healthy coping mechanisms as clients process societal expectations and pressures. Through therapy, you are not alone in addressing the mental health challenges related to identity struggles, including shame, anxiety, and depression.
Navigating Relationships as an Asexual Individual
Your identity as an asexual individual can affect your relationships. At Estes Therapy, we offer individual counseling for asexuals who want support in their dating life or manage their relationships. We also offer couples counseling for mixed-orientation couples to provide them with space and tools for healthy communication and expressions.
Individual Asexual Therapy: Communication and Boundaries in Relationships
Asexual Therapy gives clients the tools they need when coming out, dating, or defining intimacy on their own terms.
Navigating Conversations with Friends and Family
Deciding whether to share your asexual identity with others can feel overwhelming. Many people have misconceptions about asexuality, and while their intentions may be good, their words and actions can still hurt.
- A close friend insists you’re just confused or that you should wait for the “right person.”
- A parent expects you to get married and have children, not understanding your experience.
- A social circle keeps trying to set you up, believing you need to be “fixed.”
These situations can be frustrating and exhausting, but therapy helps you develop strong communication skills and firm boundaries to protect your mental well-being. With support from our therapists, you’ll learn to express yourself confidently while allowing others the opportunity to learn, grow, or respectfully step back.
Dating People and Being in a Relationship
You may choose to get therapy individually when managing romantic relationships. Working with an asexuality-affirming therapist can help you:
- Define what intimacy and connection mean for you.
- Navigate conversations with partners about boundaries, expectations, and desires.
- Build confidence in dating and relationships while staying true to your identity.
Our licensed therapists provide a safe space for you to explore what you want in a relationship, including sexual and non-sexual intimacy.
Mixed–Oriented Couples Therapy: Managing Expectations with Partners and Loved Ones
If you’re already in a relationship, you and your partner(s) may benefit from mixed-oriented couples therapy. Through therapy, we help address the following:
Exploring Preferences and Boundaries in Your Relationship
Our licensed therapists create a space for judgment-free, emotionally honest conversations about your individual and shared needs. Therapy can help you and your partner(s) openly discuss:
- Sexual and non-sexual intimacy—what feels comfortable and fulfilling for you.
- Physical affection and boundaries—defining the level of touch and closeness you prefer.
- Emotional connection—understanding what brings joy, security, and fulfillment in your relationship.
Through compassionate LGBTQIA+ Couples Counseling, you and your partner(s) can develop a shared understanding of supporting each other while staying true to your identity, values, and personal comfort.
Opting for Ethical Non-Monogamy
For some mixed-oriented couples, consensual non-monogamy may fulfill differing sexual needs. Polyamory therapy provides a structured space to discuss this possibility. Your assigned therapist in Estes Therapy will help you:
- Define boundaries.
- Maintain emotional connection.
- Navigate expectations in a way that honors everyone’s comfort and consent.
Other Common Challenges Asexual Individuals Face
Aside from relationships, Asexual Therapy helps individuals develop resilience and build a support network from feeling misunderstood or invalidated by society and peers.
Misconceptions About Asexuality
Discovering the identity that truly reflects your experiences can liberate and validate. However, asexual individuals often face misunderstanding and skepticism from others who may struggle to comprehend their orientation.
These people may say misconceptions like, “Sex is what makes us human,” or “It’s just a phase.”
These dismissive attitudes can make self-acceptance more challenging. A skilled therapist can help you navigate these feelings and reinforce your sense of identity.
Addressing Internalized Stigma and Social Pressures
An allonormative society that assumes everyone should and will engage in sexual activity can negatively harm asexual individuals. This can create intense social pressure for asexual individuals, leading to feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, and disconnection.
- Some aces feel pressure to engage in sexual activity to meet a partner’s expectations.
- Others worry that their relationships lack value simply because they don’t involve sex.
- Many asexual people question whether there’s something “wrong” with them because of their lack of interest in sex or sexual attraction.
LGBTQIA+ Individual Therapy helps aces challenge these internalized stigmas, redefine intimacy on their own terms, and live an authentic life.
Affirming Therapy for Asexual and Spectrum Identities with Estes Therapy
Asexuality is a vital aspect of human orientation. However, because it’s often overlooked and misunderstood, it’s common for people to come out and be met with ignorance by health professionals, leading to damaging and discouraging experiences. As licensed therapists in Estes Therapy, we provide an affirming environment where you can explore your identity regarding your past experiences, present situations, and future prospects.
Our therapists in Oceanside and Mission Valley are part of the LGBTQIA+ community committed to inclusive and affirming mental health care. With our experience working with individuals in the asexual spectrum, our clients benefit from personalized therapy based on individual needs.
Book a Free Matching Appointment Today in Mission Valley or Oceanside
Finding the right therapist is essential to feel understood, supported, and validated. Our free 10-minute matching appointment makes connecting with a licensed therapist who aligns with your needs, identity, and preferences easily.
Looking for a therapist who is a person of color? Prefer someone who speaks Spanish? Our Care Coordinator will take the guesswork out of choosing a therapist by matching you with the best fit for your needs.
Call us for a free matching appointment today and take the first step toward feeling heard and supported. You can also directly book an appointment in Mission Valley or Oceanside, San Diego, to start your journey.