Archive for Premarital Counseling
The “Training Wheels” for Marriage
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Remember back when you were a teen preparing to get your driver’s license. In order to get a driver’s license, several hoops must be jumped through; a permit test about the laws, driving classes, several months of practice with a skilled person in the car, and finally a licensing test. The DMV has made sure to educate the American driver to prevent accidents and fatal car collisions (thank goodness), but how come having children or getting married requires so little attention?
Similarly to driving, many people grow up with the future plans of marriage, excited to find a life partner, and to be committed. The success rate of marriages continues to drop in our country, yet there is little encouragement to attend marriage classes. A marriage is a special life long commitment, an agreement in which two people dedicate their lives to each other. The dream of a relationship becomes reality for many, however the training wheels of effective communication was not as clearly defined or taught. Premarital therapy and marriage counseling are a few ways people use to build healthy relationships.
Marriage counseling and premarital therapy focused on assisting couples to build and maintain a secure attachment. Marital therapy helps couples learn new communication styles, improve their connection, and increase marital satisfaction. Premarital therapy helps couples take active steps to learn about communicating effectively, resolving conflicts, and much more.
For some couples, therapy might not be their first choice. If you’re looking for another way to get premarital education prior to marriage, check out The Premarital Counseling Workbook for Couples, a cost effective alternative to traditional premarital counseling, by Marriage and Family Therapist, Lisa Brookes Kift. If you are married and looking communication education in your marriage, pick up a copy of Hold Me Tight, by Sue Johnson.
Premarital Counseling: Building a stronger connection for the future
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Premarital counseling is a preventative tool, a way to maintain a healthy connection in the relationship and create a lasting commitment through effective communication. Relationships are an investment: the more you put into it, the more it will grow and mature. The more it grows and matures, the more you get out of it. Because statistics show that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce (US Census Bureau, February 2002), premarital counseling can help couples avoid becoming part of that percentage.
What to expect in Pre Marriage Counseling:
Depending on the therapist, most counselors will explore many aspects of the relationship. Some of the areas addressed are conflict resolutions, communication styles, intimacy, family/family-in-law issues, financial issues, and more. As a therapist, I help my couples understand how they interact, ways to be more effective in communicating, and how to continue growing in the relationship. Most of my premarital counseling sessions are short-term, lasting about 2 to 4 sessions, yet other couples may require a longer amount of time, depending on the issues.
Thinking about Premarital Therapy? If you are thinking about counseling, here are my recommendations in finding a therapist.
Finding a Premarital Therapist:
1. Interview the Therapist: Ask the psychotherapist what their specialty is and the experience they have working with premarital counseling. This is your time to interview and weed out the therapists that you do not like. The internet is a popular place to look for psychotherapists: take a look at their photos, review their websites, and learn other information about them.
2.Contact 2 to 3 Counselors: Contact 2 to 3 therapists and do the interview process. Take notes and keep track with the one you feel the most comfortable with. Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) are specialized in relationships and communicating. I highly recommend using a therapist specifically trained in relationships.
3. Comfort with the Therapist: While interviewing the therapist, the most important thing to keep in mind is your comfort level. Do you feel comfortable speaking with the therapist? Do you feel like the therapist understands you and can provide what you want?
4. Fees: Be honest with yourself and determine what you are willing to invest in the relationship. I feel like the relationship is the foundation, and everything else is positively or negatively impacted by it. If you can’t afford a therapist’s fee, ask if they have a sliding scale (a lower fee slot) or if they have any recommendations.
