Archive for Wedding and Marriage Issues
Premarital Counseling: Building a stronger connection for the future
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Premarital counseling is a preventative tool, a way to maintain a healthy connection in the relationship and create a lasting commitment through effective communication. Relationships are an investment: the more you put into it, the more it will grow and mature. The more it grows and matures, the more you get out of it. Because statistics show that nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce (US Census Bureau, February 2002), premarital counseling can help couples avoid becoming part of that percentage.
What to expect in Pre Marriage Counseling:
Depending on the therapist, most counselors will explore many aspects of the relationship. Some of the areas addressed are conflict resolutions, communication styles, intimacy, family/family-in-law issues, financial issues, and more. As a therapist, I help my couples understand how they interact, ways to be more effective in communicating, and how to continue growing in the relationship. Most of my premarital counseling sessions are short-term, lasting about 2 to 4 sessions, yet other couples may require a longer amount of time, depending on the issues.
Thinking about Premarital Therapy? If you are thinking about counseling, here are my recommendations in finding a therapist.
Finding a Premarital Therapist:
1. Interview the Therapist: Ask the psychotherapist what their specialty is and the experience they have working with premarital counseling. This is your time to interview and weed out the therapists that you do not like. The internet is a popular place to look for psychotherapists: take a look at their photos, review their websites, and learn other information about them.
2.Contact 2 to 3 Counselors: Contact 2 to 3 therapists and do the interview process. Take notes and keep track with the one you feel the most comfortable with. Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) are specialized in relationships and communicating. I highly recommend using a therapist specifically trained in relationships.
3. Comfort with the Therapist: While interviewing the therapist, the most important thing to keep in mind is your comfort level. Do you feel comfortable speaking with the therapist? Do you feel like the therapist understands you and can provide what you want?
4. Fees: Be honest with yourself and determine what you are willing to invest in the relationship. I feel like the relationship is the foundation, and everything else is positively or negatively impacted by it. If you can’t afford a therapist’s fee, ask if they have a sliding scale (a lower fee slot) or if they have any recommendations.
San Diego: Increase your Intimacy in the Relationship!
Posted by: | CommentsIntimacy is an all-encompassing word with sex being merely an offshoot. Intimacy is a substance that supplements the healthiest relationships by allowing partners to share their physical and emotional selves.
If you find it in yourself to be more emotionally intimate in your relationship, both you and your loved one will definitely reap the rewards in the bedroom! Here are the top ten ways to increase and upkeep intimacy in your relationship:
- Compromise when in disagreement. When you and your partner aren’t seeing things eye-to-eye take it upon yourselves to reach a happy medium you both can agree with. Ask each other, “What would make us both happy?”
- Spend a MINIMUM of 30 minutes a day focusing on your partner. Spend this time with your full attention honed in on your partner. This could take place at the dinner table, in the family area/living room with the T.V. off, cuddled in bed, etc. Eliminate interruptions such as children, roommates, and friends so you can take the time to find out how their day went and share how your day was.
- Plan a Date Night. Date night helps kindle intimacy. Get dressed up for one another, spend time focusing on one another, and laugh together.
- Empathize and Validate your partner. Make sure that when you are in disagreement to show empathy, monitor your tone of voice, and validate your partner by letting them know you don’t think they are “crazy” for how they feel.
- Show curiosity and interest in your partner. Showing interest and curiosity not only helps your partner feel important and special, but also entices them to do the same towards you! Imagine how great it feels when they intently listen to what you have to say, and do the same for your partner.
- Surprise your partner with an activity that the two of you can do together. Try hiking, picnics, board/card games, etc.
- Leave love messages around the house. Write things you admire about your partner on sticky notes and hide them in places you know he or she will find them.
- Point out all the positive. If you acknowledge and reinforce that which you appreciate about your partner, you will find they will eagerly repeat the desired behavior instead of feeling down from belittlement.
- Show your partner that you respect them. By listening, avoiding critical language, and decreasing your anger (intonation and context), you will show your partner that you have the utmost respect for their thoughts and feelings.
- Stop critical language. “You should…” “You must…” “You are too…” “You never…” “You always…” — all are examples of how we point our fingers at our partners while telling them they are not right. Give them a chance and let them carry things out the way they’d like to.
If you have tried all of these and feel as if there is not hope, Relationship Counseling can help you build the trust and intimacy back in your relationship. I want to help you get your relationship back on track. Please visit http://www.estestherapy.com/ or call me at (619) 471-7104 to schedule an appointment.
