Archive for Raw Relationship Issues
Relationship Advice: Secrets in a Relationship
Posted by: | CommentsWhy do some women tend to keep secrets from their husbands?
Women tend to keep secrets from their husbands for a variety of reasons; it could be from intense amounts of shame, to fear of losing the relationship, to past relationship wounds, to the fear of the packed away emotions exploding out and losing control, etc.
Some secrets are buried for good reasons….and keeping that secret hidden, kept inside can create a sense of feeling in control and emotionally safe. These deep, dark buried secrets are scary for many to open up and share the vulnerable issue. It can feel as if they won’t be able to maintain control, and that the over flowing emotions may not ever have an “end” in sight. It can simply be scary to open up, to feel the emotion. Feeling the emotion alone can be terrifying, and the unknown of what could happen if they open up Pandora’s Box…and not ever being able to put it back. Read More→
A Matter of Being Honest: A Deeper Intimacy For Couples
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I attended a social excursion, recently, wherein I was put on notice by a friend with “you want me to be completely honest with you? Well here goes . . .” Not only did this make me nervous, I braced myself for a barrage, and my fears came true, as a barrage of insulting conjecture came flying forth with a fierceness, I had not yet experienced with my friend.
Often times, couples will come into my office, with a chasm between them seemingly a lifetime long. They display and report hurt and distance and fear and distrust. They go round and round and argue utilizing the same phrases and statements, and tell me these are the same arguments they have at home. Repetitive. Unproductive.
When it is time for apologies, they are often cerebral exercises, “I am sorry” typically stated by the husband and the response is typically the wife stating, “yes, I’ve heard all this before.”
There is often follow up questioning, typically by the wife “but why, why did you do it in the first place?” and there is the husband’s typical come back “I am sorry, I won’t do it again.” Read More→
Listen or Give Advice? How to determine which way to respond to your partner or friend
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Sometimes our partner, friend, or family member might share a stressful story, discuss their daily struggle, or express concerns about a topic…. But you have no idea what response might be the proper one. How do you know what they need during a chat, whether it’s just a willing an ear to listen or to give constructive advice? This is no simple task…no matter if it is for friendships or intimate relationships. Read More→
Improve your Relationship by Taking Care of Yourself
Posted by: | CommentsThe “How to Save my Marriage” by Self-Improvement First
Think about the time when you are on an airplane ready for take off and you hear over the intercom that in case of an emergency, air masks will drop….and parents to first put the air masks on themselves, and then put it on the baby. This concept is that you can’t save your baby if you don’t get your own oxygen. Baby’s need parents to be alive and taken care of so the baby can be tended to. This concept is the same for relationships. We have to tend to ourselves, make sure we are feeling good and emotionally stable, so that we can tend to the relationship. In order to save a marriage, we have to be living and breathing in a healthy and strong manner.
The more you feel confident in your own skin, the more the confidence will seep out your pours. Here are 5 Elements of Self Care: Read More→
By Jennine Estes, MFT
Is Facebook helping or hurting your relationship?
On a weekly basis I have clients sitting on my therapy couch and sharing how Facebook was involved in some part of their relationship. Some state that they use Facebook when they are feeling insecure in the relationship; investigating their partner’s activity with others, combing through the friends list in search for a red-flag person, searching for signs that the relationship is off-track, or looking for inappropriate comments. Other clients have stated that they watch their partner’s (or soon to be partner) relationship status as a sign of whether their relationship is in tack, broken-up, or in the works. Other people use it to keep an eye on their ex, to look up a crush, to share their relationship’s dirty laundry, or to addicted to the online banter, etc. The list is endless!
Facebook isn’t the problem….it is the relationship dynamics and our human reactions that get in the way.
Here are a few tips on how to prevent your relationship from getting hurt through the use of Facebook: Read More→
Get Your Relationship Un-Stuck and Back on Track
Posted by: | CommentsGet your Relationship Un-Stuck: By Jennine Estes
Relationships are full of ups and down, ins and outs. Some couples get caught on the “down” side and fall into the nasty hole of disconnection, loneliness, and dullness. In many ways, it can feel as if being stuck in a bottom of a ditch; nothing to grab onto to climb out, and the more work to dig your way out, the more dirt falls in. Many couples try to make repair attempts to climb their way out of the deep hole, but the more it barriers them with more issues to work through. Does any of this sound?
Getting caught in a ditch with no tools and no latter, can be exhausting. Couples simply need a bit of hope and team work to help them climb their way out. Here are a few simple steps you can do to begin spicing up your relationship and climbing out of the ditch: Read More→
Social Networking Series: The Facebook-Addiction and how to take back control
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You may have experienced the feeling when you sit in front of your computer working and you see an email from Facebook staring at you. You think to yourself, “I will make a quick response and then get right back on track with work and be productive.” But next thing you know, you are readying the hilarious posts from friends, responding to interesting conversations, and saying hi to friends you haven’t seen for a while. As your “quick” peak evolves into a long-long time, the facebooking feels “addicting.” Does this sound familiar?
I search through a few of my own Facebook (FB) posts in regards to the “addicting” feeling. Here are a few of my random posts: “Why is it that when I have a thousand things on the ‘to-do’ list, I find myself lost on Facebook?!?!” Or my humor (yet also somewhat serious) about the addiction of Facebook: “I think I might start a new therapy group called “Facebook-aholics Anonymous.”
My random posts on Facebook had a bit of humor, yet it also spoke the truth. I can feel and see how easy it could be to get lost for hours and become out of control. I can moderate with social networking, but what about those who can’t redirect or limit themselves, or for those who have more addictive tendencies? Read More→
May 8th: Couple’s Relationship Retreat
Posted by: | CommentsThe Couple’s Retreat: Real Answers for Real Relationships
Is your relationship stuck?
Are you tired of the endless fighting?
Does your relationship need a tune-up?
May 8th Jennine Estes, your San Diego Marriage and Family Therapist, is putting on a relationship retreat that is cost effective and unique. It will provide couples with tools on building a stronger relationship, creating healthy communication, and getting relationships back on track. This unique retreat allows couples to decide how much they want to spend on the relationship. You can either simply come to the workshop, or stay for the date night, or even stay the weekend. It is all your choice.
The Relationship Retreat includes: Read More→
Relationship Advice: How to Stop Interrupting
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Interrupting can be a bad habit….and it automatically shuts down lines of communication. When we are so eager and in hurry to get our point across, it is difficult to slow down and not interrupt the other person. The quick interjection and cutting off the other person sends out a bad message that they don’t matter. The receiving end can feel as if your invisible, what you have to say does not matter, and you’re not important. There are good intentions bind this approach, yet it unfortunately sends the opposite message.
Here are a few quick tips on how to stop the bad habit of interrupting: Read More→
Free Valentine’s Day Ideas for Couples’s
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It is that time of year again where the stores get filled with Valentine’s decorations, red balloons, hearts, flowers, and lover’s cards. Some people get excited about this time of year, yet other people worry about the lack of funds to do something unique. Good news…you don’t have to spend money on loud restaurants filled with noise and strangers. You can create romance and enjoy your relationship without spending money.
conflicting couples, affairs, communication struggles, etc.
