Archive for Conflict Resolution
Is “Bring Home the Bacon” Too Much in Your Relationship?
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by Jennine Estes, MFT
You may know the feeling of hitting the snooze button just a few more times before you have to face your work day. You look at your partner lying comfortably in the bed as you crawl out of bed. The day races and you face the ups-and-downs of your job. At the end of the day, you arrive home to your partner who spent a few hours searching for a job and the rest enjoying the day, and you notice frustration increases inside. Your eyes scan the house and notice the household chores that haven’t been done. Does this sound familiar?
“How to Make a Decision When We Disagree?” Couples Advice
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What should we do when we both feel right when we disagree? How should our disagreement be handled while making a decision? These questions are common….especially since “most marital arguments cannot be resolved,” stated by John Gottman in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. To make a decision when both partners disagree is an issue I continue to see in my therapy practice.
I’m sorry to say that there isn’t a magic-wand to correct the issue, but there are a variety of things you two can do to come to a decision without creating conflict! Here are a few quick tips on making a decision: Read More→
Sex Advice: How Sex Doesn’t Need to be a Chore
Posted by: | CommentsLadies….Sex Doesn’t Need to be a “chore!”
Countless women across the world feel as if sex is more like a job and less of a special bonding time. When sex feels like a requirement or an expectation, the desire to be intimate can quickly dwindle away. Not only can it feel like a job, the ongoing pressures and the mental “to-do” list over take the mind and become a prominent thought. Even further, woman experience sex as a hassle, avoids the topic at all cost, is self conscious of their body, and/or dislikes the sexual act itself. Does this sound familiar?
The physical bond of intimacy is the rawest form of feeling attached and connected for couples. But what happens to relationships when sex feels like a job? This job-like view of sex eliminates the special connection, it prevents women from enjoying the experience, and it builds distance between two people. Good news, sex doesn’t have to be a job, work, or a chore! Read More→
Text Fighting: Do’s and Don’ts to Text Messaging in your Relationship
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Have you ever had the day of desperately wanting your partner to understand how you feel, so you quickly grab the telephone and send a text message? And as you grab the cell phone, you rapidly write your response with your raw thoughts and emotions, and then press send button. While anxiously awaiting a response, you check your phone various times within just a few seconds. As the response from your partner comes through, you quickly become upset and throw a text message right back….and the text fighting begins. This text fighting can be a road to a disaster for many couples. Read More→
Text Fighting Advice: How Communication is more than Words
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Have you ever had one of those lengthy text fights that go nowhere? You are not alone. I work with many couples in relationship counseling that get caught in text fighting. Cell phones provide quick and convenient communication through text messaging, yet couples fall into a downward spiral of text fighting.
Dr. Albert Mehrabian reports in his book Silent Messages that the majority of communication is through body language and tone of voice, not what is said. He calls it the “7%-38%-55% Rule.” Fifty-five percent of other people’s reactions to you are based on your facial expression, 38% based on your tone of voice, and only 7% of their reaction are from the words you are actually saying. Communication is more than words. Addressing relationship problems through text messaging relies only on the 7% of what is being said, which requires the other 93% to be guessed. Text fighting is usually a road to disaster and doesn’t help resolve conflict. Read More→
Relationship Advice: How to Cope with Conflict and Stress
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A man and woman are in the car coming home from dinner with their 3 year old asleep in the back seat. They get into the on-going discussion that goes in circles, gets them no where. They both become agitated because neither one feels heard, and the more they try to work out the issue, the more hurt and angry both become. They arrive home; husband goes upstairs to watch television to zone out and decompress. After putting the child to bed, the wife goes into the kitchen; she begins to clean dishes, she angrily thinks about how “he still doesn’t get it” and “how come he won’t simply come downstairs and talk to me.” Read More→
Relationship Advice: How to Damage your Relationship
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I decided to spice this relationship blog up a bit and give you the ways that you can damage your relationship. Instead of writing about what not to do, now you get to hear about what can HURT your relationship. Go through the following list and see what things you might be doing that may damage the bond. Read More→
Relationship Advice: Money’s Tight? Quick tips to keep your relationship strong
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Relationships are facing more and more stress with the recession; foreclosures, loss of jobs, worry about money, arguing about money, decreased income, loss of stocks, etc. Many relationships are drastically hurting because their finances are declining. While in a hard time, relationships are supposed to be the comfort zone, the place to decompress and get soothed….especially in such an economic crisis. But that isn’t the case in some relationships.
Don’t be one those couples suffering simply because the bank account has dropped. Here are a few tips on keeping your connection strong while handling economic stress: Read More→
“Married to My Business Partner:” Creating a Healthy Balance in the Relationship
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People who are married to their business partner have added difficulty in separating work from home. Business talk and personal talk can blend; both occurring at all hours of the day. For many couples, the main question is when does work stop and the relationship start?
The blend in the marriage can have ups and downs. I work with a great deal of couples that co-own or co-operate businesses. The relationships with problems often have a common thread….an unbalanced relationship. Work can be consuming and in high demand, thus creating no time for the relationship. Couples often report that the relationship suffers and “finds it’s way in…when there is time.”
Why not have your cake and eat it too? You can find a healthy balance where your career and relationship are both successful. Read More→
Advice to Stop Critical Thinking:Live Without Beating Yourself Up
Posted by: | CommentsSaying Good-Bye to Critical Thoughts
Summer’s on its way and for San Diego that means it’s a time for beaches, barbeques, and fun in the sun! Many of us find ourselves making healthy decisions like switching to water instead of drinking soda, exercising a couple more times a week, or resisting the urge to eat that second sliver of cake while others sometimes make unhealthy–potentially dangerous–choices in a rush effort to shed those lingering holiday pounds: skipping meals, crash dieting, or running on the treadmill until being on the verge of collapse. Body image is important to most everybody–a fact that is felt even more so in a city known for having beautiful people. Read More→
conflicting couples, affairs, communication struggles, etc.
