Archive for December, 2008
How to Handle “Scrooge” during the Holidays
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The holidays are time for family get-togethers, enjoying family and friends, laughing, and exchanging gifts. But some families aren’t that lucky…and they get stuck with a “Scrooge.” It can be exhausting to be around pessimistic comments, hearing the views of holidays as bad, or being told about “what isn’t right.” These ongoing negative comments can, rub off and bring you down.
Don’t get stuck in that holiday slumps! Here are a few tips to survive the holiday:
· Filter the Comments: If a family member is negative, don’t let it dampen the mood. Instead of letting the comments keep you down, filter the comments and only allow in the goods statements.
· Stop the “Negative Radar:” When we are aware of how negative a person reacts, we tend to build the “negative radar” and notice every complaint. Instead, take off the “negative radar” and stop looking for the negative comments and reactions. Don’t make the negative comments the first thing you think about or look for. Focus your mind on the good things about the holiday, having fun with the other family members, and remembering the positive in the holiday.
· Shift Your View: Many people who are negative about the holidays often have a painful past or simply try to connect with others through self-pity and negativity. The problem here is that it hurts relationships, rather than creating a connection or handling the past pains. Shift your view and see that person as sad and attempting to connect with others (even though it doesn’t feel like it). Try to look at them from a new lens.
· Re-Energize: Take brakes throughout the day, calm your nerves, and re-energize yourself. When people get upset and bothered, the body reacts, it tightens up, and it takes shorter breathes. Take deep breathes, oxygenate your body, and calm down. If you notice getting agitated, take breaks away from the negative environment and step outside or taking “bathroom” breaks. A 5-10 minute break can help re-energize and help you get through the day.
· Play a game: Take a challenge with your partner and bet on how many times a negative comment comes out. Spice up the holiday a bit and play a game with it. Learn how to see it as funny and something that can tighten your bond with your partner. Make fun of the situation and don’t let it keep you down…. I dare you!
· Focus on the Goal: Remind yourself that there is an end and you get to go home. Focus on why you are there, instead of getting irritated. If your goal is to have a good holiday, make it happen! Don’t let other people get in your way.
Check out a related article about the holiday stress: Surviving the Holidays
“Married to My Business Partner”: Tips to a Healthy Balance with Intimacy and Business
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Separating work and home can be simple for most people. They go to work, handle stressful situations, manage their frustrations, interact with co-workers, and then leave the stress at the job site. Home is like a venting place; complain to the partner, share daily stories, talk about annoying coworkers, or even use home as place to relax and forget about the job.
People who are married to their business partner have added difficulty in separating work from home. Business talk and personal talk can blend; both occurring at all hours of the day. For many couples, the main question is when does work stop and the relationship start?
The blend in the marriage can have ups and downs. I work with a great deal of couples that co-own or co-operate businesses. The relationships with problems often have a common thread….an unbalanced relationship. Work can be consuming and in high demand, thus creating no time for the relationship. Couples often report that the relationship suffers and “finds it’s way in…when there is time.”
Why not have your cake and eat it too? You can find a healthy balance where your career and relationship are both successful.
- Make your relationship a priority. Keeping your relationship and business successful is quite simplistic. Put a time frame on work. Set up a few times when you two are “off the clock.” This is the time you will no longer discuss work. Set aside time for the two of you to enjoy one another, to relax and connect. You get to now focus on the relationship and it can be a priority.
- Create strong boundaries. When you are working, find respectful ways to discuss stressful situations. Because you are in a relationship, you might react or respond differently than speaking to a co-worker. Set up boundaries in the relationship. If you are working, make it work. Don’t take your partner’s stress personal.
- Talk, Talk, Talk. As a relationship therapist intern, I can’t emphasize enough about the importance of communication. Work requires one type of communication, and relationships require another type of communication. Communicate with your partner how you feel and what might bother you. Let him in and teach him what you need.
- Couples Time. Set up a consistent date time once a week…where work isn’t allowed to come in to the conversation. No matter how bad you want to talk about work, put it aside until you two are “on the clock.”
- Use your resources. Many couples share their work day with their partner. But you don’t have this leisure. He already knows. You can’t vent about your co-worker to your partner. Go to a respected friend to talk about your stress and to vent. Or get couples counseling to help you two handle the stress.
- Watch for Team Work. Notice how you two work as a team and support one another throughout the day. Provide feedback to your partner and tell him how much you appreciate his hard work. Pay attention to how you two make the business successful.
Another article that you might enjoy: Coping with Stress: Letting out the steam
