Advice for Affairs: Quick Tips to Build Trust after infidelity

It may have all started with a flirt, a simple flirt.  This harmless friendship crossed the line; flirtatious text messages, anticipation for the next contact, or simply a shoulder to cry on when things weren’t going right in your relationship.  The friendship started off innocent, but after one too many drinks, you two ended up hooking up.  This “one time mistake” or “long term affair” was hidden, pushed aside, or buried under lies because you knew you were wrong and didn’t want to lose your partner.  As you attempt to keep your relationship connected with your partner, reality hit full speed ahead and your partner found out.

Rebuilding the trust and facing the consequences of your actions may feel never-ending.  Hang tight, it doesn’t have to be like this forever. Keep in mind that it will be like this for now. Simply because the relationship is in a tragic storm, it doesn’t mean that it won’t make it through to sunlight again.

It is very important to show your partner that you are trust-worthy….and here are some quick tips for rebuilding trust:

• Follow through with what you say. If you tell your partner that you will be home by 8:00, come home no later than 8:00pm. If you are going to be late, call them and let them know ahead of time.
• Don’t be unrealistic. Avoid saying that you will “Always” have your cell phone on or you will “Never” turn your phone off. This is unrealistic. Sometimes your phone will die or you might forget it or you might not hear it ring. Instead, tell your partner that you will try your best to answer the phone. And then….follow through with what you say (tip #1).
• Let your Partner in. If you have a wall up, it hides things and creates a suspicious feeling from your partner. Avoid the suspicious behavior and be an open book. The more open you are, the more trust you can build.
• Keep your eyes on your goal. Body language speaks louder than words….and so does your eye focus. If you are talking to your partner and a beautiful woman walks by, keep your eyes on your partner. If your goal is to build trust, then your actions have to show it. If you want your partner to be self-conscious, then keep looking at other women. It is your choice.
• Make time for Communication. Communication can create a safe and comfortable feeling in your relationship. The more communication and feelings of safety, the more the trust can build.

If you have a history of trust being broken in your relationship, it might take more than these behaviors. You will have to resolve the past so it doesn’t interfere with your current behaviors. Possibly working with a professional therapist can help.

Visit my main website EstesTherapy to learn more about me and how I work with my clients.