When your partner brings up something that is bothering her in your relationship, it can be easy to put up a wall and start to defend yourself. But what if you took a deep breath and were careful about how you responded? Your partner is being vulnerable when she tells you something that hurt her, so shutting down with defensiveness will only teach her not to open up in the future. Here are some ways that you can learn to stop being defensive and own up to your own feelings and responsibility.Read More
Overcoming the Obstacles that Keep You Stuck
Many arguments between couples have fear at the heart. Whether it’s fear of abandonment, fear of being rejected, or a fear of falling apart – sometimes you can lash out at the person who you want to keep the closest to you. Even though the fight might look on the surface like it’s about something else, if you look close enough you can often find that some sort of fear is hiding just under the surface. By managing your fears, you can begin to calm the storm that has begun in your relationship and heal the wounds. Here are some tips for how to conquer the fear in your relationship so you can move into a healthy direction.Read More
Don't Let Anxiety Take Over
If you suffer from anxiety it can be hard to maintain a strong bond with your partner. When you are freaking out and he or she tries to get close, your fear might tell you to push your partner away. In reality, it’s important to learn to turn to your partner and gang up together against your anxiety, but this might not come naturally.Read More
Here's the Social Media Conversation You Need to Have
When you’re in a new relationship there are some necessary conversations when it comes to social media. In this day and age, there are just so many chances for miscommunication, over sharing, or crossing boundaries when it comes to online activity. So that you don’t thwart a new romance by doing something on social media that offends or confuses your partner, here are some conversations you should always have about social media behavior.Read More
Issues to Consider
A lot of shows on the Bravo network only provide a guilty pleasure, but a new show caught my eye because it deals with the first year of marriage, which can be a challenging time for any couple. The series follows four couples for a year, all of whom are in very different situations. They deal with issues like money, sex, a short courtship, familial approval of the relationship, and control. I will be writing up a blog each week as the episodes unfold, and talking about the issues that come up.Read More
Quick tips on how to stop fighting in a relationship
Arguments in relationships become a cycle — when a specific pain point or topic gets brought up, one partner gets defensive and the other pushes to get the point across. One partner might always flee, and then the other has to chase him. You might also experience arguments more when one person is exhausted after a day at work. These patterns become a comfortable cycle, even though they may be detrimental to your bond as a couple.Read More
Premarital counseling is not just for couples in severe distress.
Premarital counseling can help you build a strong base for your future as a married couple. It will help provide you the tools necessary to learn how to communicate better with each other. Sometimes what seems like a small issue has the potential to grow into a substantial wedge and you don't realize it just yet. Your therapist may even see some red flags and point them out to you so you can work through these before they become damaging to the relationship.
Here are three main reasons that seeing a professional counselor before the wedding day is a good idea.
We all experience love in different ways.
Like my #BeingLovedIs project has shown, what it means to be loved can be so different from one person to the next — and no one way is right. If you and your partner have different love languages, it can seem like you’re not on the same page. One or both people in the relationship might wind up feeling neglected, which will cause a crinkle in your bond. The best thing you can do is figure out which love language applies to you and get your partner to do the same. Once you know who you each receive love, you can start to best communicate your love for each other!Read More
Sometimes you might find yourself in a relationship that is not totally healthy anymore, or where you’re no longer happy. Instead of taking the necessary steps to begin to leave your relationship, you stick around and just hope things will be better. When you’re stuck in a rut and your partner isn’t really trying to work with you, you might just be in denial about what you need to do. On the other hand, if you do still have strong feelings for your partner and hope that things could improve, it might just be time to step up and fight for your relationship.Read More
Learning tools for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
When you are living with a partner who has ADD, there are additional challenges above and beyond what the average couple will encounter on a daily basis. You might feel like your partner doesn't listen to you or can't really "see" you. Because your partner has difficulty focusing and may have trouble with organization or forgetfulness, you are bound to encounter situations where you ask for something from the store and he forgets, or you need help with a project but he walks away half-way through. When a long pattern of this occurs is where most problems occur. It can be easy to take your partner's actions personal, even though they are the result of the ADD, and not a reflection on how much he cares for you. If you don't treat the underlying issue, the ADD, it's easy to build resentments over years of forgotten birthdays, impulsive behavior, or distracted conversations.Read More
How Addiction Can Impact Your Bond
Any relationship has its bumps in the road, but addiction is a real road block that can cause your relationship to lose its secure attachment and pose real danger -- both emotional and physical. If you are the loved one of an addict, you may feel helpless, and torn between staying in the relationship or walking away. Many people who love addicts fear being an enabler, but also don't want to leave their partner in the cold. Substance abuse is a hard road, but with the right resources, when the addict is ready to get help you can get to the other side.Read More
Alex Steele, a college student at Point Loma Nazarene University (PLNU), began volunteering at Estes Therapy in Fall of 2013. She was able to be a part of the #BeingLOVEDIs project and she interviewed students at PLNU. In this article, you will read about her experience and what she learned about what other's think it means to be loved.Read More
Keep your relationship connected during the difficult times.
When you are living with anxiety or panic, it can be debilitating. You feel like you can’t breathe in the midst of it, or worse – you believe you're actually going to die or catastrophic events are always around the corner. It can also be very stressful to be the partner of someone with extreme anxiety. No matter what you say, you feel like you can’t alleviate your spouse’s anxiety and she snaps at you when you say the wrong thing.Read More