Learn how to Trust Him
You don't want to be "that" girlfriend who is extremely jealous and seen as crazy. With some education and self-evaluation, you can become more secure in yourself and your relationship, and learn how to stop being jealous. Let's tap into how we can control jealous feelings so that we can build trust and have happy healthy relationships moving forward:
Analyze it: Pay close attention of where exactly your jealousy is coming from. It is from your own history of failed relationships? Does it come from fear? Once you can answer the questions and really figure out where the jealousy stems from, you will then be able to control it and figure out how to stop being jealous. Better yet, learn where it came from.
Get Educated on Relationships: Learn how to communicate to avoid an argument that can keep distance in the relationship. Pick up a few books from the local book store (possibly the “Hold Me Tight” by Susan Johnson) and start your studying. The more education you get on relationships, the more awareness you will have. The quicker you two can resolve conflict, the closer you will feel and the less jealousy you will experience.
Write it Down: Write down your thoughts to help you communicate how you feel. Sometimes people can get very passionate about how they feel that it can come off abrasive or attacking. By writing down how you want to communicate this will help you stay on track and focus on sharing how you feel with your partner in a more loving manner. Once you wrote out your concerns, bring
The Love List: When all you can see if negative, it’s because we are overlooking all the good things. Make a list of things your partner does to show you that they care about you. What do they do for you in a day and what ways have they shown you they love you.
Always Remember your Commitment: If your partner didn’t want to be with you, then they simply wouldn’t. Plain and simple. Remember the commitment you have both taken for each other and love each other.
Meet with a Professional: Meet with a counselor to help you rewire how you think. Retrain your brain and learn how to calm the fears. Learn how to pick out what a “red flag” is vs. a “jealous response.” Red flags do exist and you should pay attention to them, but you should also be aware of what a jealous feeling is and take back control.
Calm your Nerves: Try working out, listening to music, or even reaching out to a friend. The quicker you can calm your nerves the more logical you can be about the situation.
Ask For Reassurance:
It is easier for people to trust what they see verses what we don’t see. Your partner may be sharing a lot, but nothing tangible that you can see. Ask your partner for reassurance. They can’t give you clarity if you don’t go to them directly.
About Jennine Estes, MFT
Think of me as your relationship consultant, I'm your neutral third party that can help you untangle the emotions and help you figure out what's really going on. I am a Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Supervisor. I write relationship and self growth advice for my column Relationships in the Raw. Creator of #BeingLOVEDIs campaign. MFC#47653