Posts Categorized: Communication

Conflict Resolution: How to Fix a Fight in a Relationship

communication advice san diego

Steps on How to Repair and Pick Up After a Fight

Let’s face it: in the heat of an argument you can say things that are hurtful, passive aggressive, or downright untrue. So can your partner. That’s the bad news. The good news is that it IS possible to pick up after a big blow out and repair your relationship, restoring it to a healthy place.

Read More

Communication Advice: How to Practice Fighting Fair in Your Marriage

emotional affair

From an Emotionally Focused Therapy and Attachment Perspective - By Jen Zajac, IMF

There are some couples who fight explosively and often, and others who seem to rarely get into a heated argument. Perhaps you can recall separate relationships you have been in where each has had a different “fight dynamic”. Regardless of how you define what a fight is, we all at some point encounter conflict, or disagreements, in our relationships. If our emotional needs aren’t attended to, even the small things that get dismissed or “swept under the rug” can develop into larger issues later down the line. Merely avoiding a fight does not resolve conflict.

Read More

5 Steps to Communicating Needs In Your Relationship

communication needs relationships

Asking for what you want: 5 steps to getting your needs met

We all have needs, but sometimes it can be difficult to convey these needs to our partners. We might struggle with how to communicate our needs or approach our partners. Our partners might misunderstand what we are asking for. Or we might simply fear what happens if our partners refuse to meet our needs.

Read More

Dating Long Distance

Dating Long Distance

How to Make it Work

Long distance love can be difficult, but it’s not necessarily a relationship death sentence. If you are really committed to someone, then there are ways to sustain your connection until you can live in the same city. Some couples maintain a long distance relationship for years, especially when professional opportunities don’t make it easy to get close. Here are some ways to stay connected to your loved one even when the miles keep you apart.

Read More

3 Ways to Stop Being Defensive

stop being defensive

When your partner brings up something that is bothering her in your relationship, it can be easy to put up a wall and start to defend yourself. But what if you took a deep breath and were careful about how you responded? Your partner is being vulnerable when she tells you something that hurt her, so shutting down with defensiveness will only teach her not to open up in the future. Here are some ways that you can learn to stop being defensive and own up to your own feelings and responsibility.

Read More

How to Deal With Fear in Your Relationship

stop being defensive

Overcoming the Obstacles that Keep You Stuck

Many arguments between couples have fear at the heart. Whether it’s fear of abandonment, fear of being rejected, or a fear of falling apart – sometimes you can lash out at the person who you want to keep the closest to you. Even though the fight might look on the surface like it’s about something else, if you look close enough you can often find that some sort of fear is hiding just under the surface. By managing your fears, you can begin to calm the storm that has begun in your relationship and heal the wounds. Here are some tips for how to conquer the fear in your relationship so you can move into a healthy direction.

Read More

5 Ways to Prevent a Fight

how to stop fighting

Quick tips on how to stop fighting in a relationship

Arguments in relationships become a cycle — when a specific pain point or topic gets brought up, one partner gets defensive and the other pushes to get the point across. One partner might always flee, and then the other has to chase him. You might also experience arguments more when one person is exhausted after a day at work. These patterns become a comfortable cycle, even though they may be detrimental to your bond as a couple.

Read More

What’s Your Love Language?

love book counseling

We all experience love in different ways.

Like my #BeingLovedIs project has shown, what it means to be loved can be so different from one person to the next — and no one way is right. If you and your partner have different love languages, it can seem like you’re not on the same page. One or both people in the relationship might wind up feeling neglected, which will cause a crinkle in your bond. The best thing you can do is figure out which love language applies to you and get your partner to do the same. Once you know who you each receive love, you can start to best communicate your love for each other!

Read More

ADD in Marriage: Management Tips

ADD

Learning tools for Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

When you are living with a partner who has ADD, there are additional challenges above and beyond what the average couple will encounter on a daily basis. You might feel like your partner doesn't listen to you or can't really "see" you. Because your partner has difficulty focusing and may have trouble with organization or forgetfulness, you are bound to encounter situations where you ask for something from the store and he forgets, or you need help with a project but he walks away half-way through. When a long pattern of this occurs is where most problems occur. It can be easy to take your partner's actions personal, even though they are the result of the ADD, and not a reflection on how much he cares for you. If you don't treat the underlying issue, the ADD, it's easy to build resentments over years of forgotten birthdays, impulsive behavior, or distracted conversations.

Read More

Substance Abuse and Relationships

Substance Abuse and Relationships

How Addiction Can Impact Your Bond

Any relationship has its bumps in the road, but addiction is a real road block that can cause your relationship to lose its secure attachment and pose real danger -- both emotional and physical. If you are the loved one of an addict, you may feel helpless, and torn between staying in the relationship or walking away. Many people who love addicts fear being an enabler, but also don't want to leave their partner in the cold. Substance abuse is a hard road, but with the right resources, when the addict is ready to get help you can get to the other side.

Read More